Bleeding Heart Particles…

“Can I meet the death sentenced, Prisinor Number 302,” enquired Kavya with sentry of the jail.

“May i know the purpose of meeting with him” questioned  her, sentry

She showed her permission letter from the jailer.

Post 10 mins prisoner 302, Sree Ram came out. The long black beard, dark peaceful eyeballs,  pure smile, fair complexion with a baby pink mixture of skin tone, sharp nose and sharply curved chin all features altogether provided him with a monk kind of appearance. Kavya did not get a kind of feeling that she met a notorious criminal. Moreover, she felt that if get introduced to the unfamiliar world suddenly, they judge that he is not eligible for the death penalty.

“I am kavya” from ‘Digging stories’ magazine, she introduced herself to him.

“I am SreeRam, failed IAS student with 98.9 percent”, he replied with courtesy.

She exclaimed by learning about his intellectual scores and life’s games, which brought him to this extreme point, she came to normal in a fraction of seconds and enquired his mental status ” We want to dig your story,  to know how  you fell off to this point from the higher ambitions”

“You are mistaken, I did not fell off, I have grown a lot, to the extent of becoming courageous to accept my own mischief and crimes. Also taking the accountability willingly that without any law or somebody’s pressure, this is the real success,” he affirmed.

She got upset as he is not at all realised yet, for killing a woman. She does not want to be judgemental so determined to go into the depth and started digging his side of the story led to a murder.

“I would like to listen from you” she stared into his eyes.

“What could you achieve by digging my story”? he encountered.

“What people missed out from your life. You can become an example in either way of positive or negative ways…like how to be or how not to be,” she told bluntly.

“36 years of life how can you dig in half an hour,” he checked her as if she is immature.

“I could manage the sentry and jailor as well, please go ahead”

“What is the base proof to trust me? am criminal..can you trust me.?, I pity your readers” he mocked her.

“Kavya is an expert of separating the truth from the reality and false from the flaws” she banged his guts.

So please note that I have stabbed her with an iron rod 38 times and posted her bleeding body pics into facebook due to love on her” he smiled.

“I could not manage for prolonged hours with jailor, so please be honest” she nailed his attitude

“Awesome girl!!, so I mean not you miss Kavya, my girl  Arnica.” his smiling lips curves sparked, revealing her place in his life.

“I am a sculpture of her ecstatic thoughts and brilliance. She is An unexpected storm which ushered to beneath of my alone life,  which  fetched positive vibes and flipped, cleansed from the roots,  injected new blood into me with the love of this world.”

“Then”?? curious Kavya involved in his emotions.

“She moulded, engraved me and she herself crumbled me with her innocence, who is supposed to become my part of life, slammed our lives into the dead particles being unaware of my real me.

I am an Orphan. I do not know the value of a human body, warm breath, red blood, value of relations, soul, first impressions and emotions. As an orphan, my life is an unknown mystery to me. A path with directionless with one cruel warden of our orphanage. We used to live for the evening dinner and used to go to bed with the dream of getting lunch of tomorrow. Apart from this we also know the dark stories of our sexual abuse pain physically and emotionally at very tender stages of our lives irrespective of the gender and age.

One day we all went for a compelled picnic,  girls are not even able to run or walk due to the cruel pain gifted fort their orphan life by our warden and his male friends. By watching those girls I felt that am a bit lucky being a boy, but even I am harassed by a high society woman not even crossing the age of 14. The moment I cried in my heart about our critical daily life, to my surprise, the god awoke from his deep sleep and blasted our orphanage kitchen with a leaking cylinder. We all somehow got freedom from pathetic life due to the blast and we parted from them.

I have joined immediately in a begging mafia. Short temper is my weakness. Here I just need to sit under the hot sun with an empty stomach. I should not look healthy to earn more, so they used to provide lunch every two days. We orphans are meant for someone’s happiness and fulfilment of their targets, so god gifted us with strong tolerance capability to get adjusted to every tough pain they given to us. By the time I attained 17 years old,  my leaders noticed my short temper and assigned me an area to convince the new kids to beg and earn. .

The same area leader became a city leader, at the age of 20 years, here I got caught in her eyes, while  I am converting twin brothers who ran out of the house due to parents harassment of studies. She directly called cops and filed a case against me, though she would be terrified to look at me directly. She is from well educated and traditional family, who believes in strong moral values and ethics. Her life is well principled though not disciplined.

During 6 months she sent me twice to Jail being stubborn as I came out on influenced bail. I was surprised as she was wasting her academic years to put me in Jail. At last, by sacrificing her two years of education, she got succeeded to gift me 3 years of imprisonment. Immediate after hearing the judgement I felt relaxed as she could get to relax and continue her studies. Instead of getting angry at her I felt abashed as being an orphan I never thought about other orphans precious life. Somehow due to her, few of them got relived by me at least.

One midnight I wanted to convey my realisation feelings to her, so I had written a letter to her ladies hostel. For three letters she had not replied, in which I have admitted that how  I used to convince the kids to beg without hurting them physically. She has replied after 6 months, in which she mentioned ” Enjoy the ambvience and life of Prison” as I had spoiled the lives of hundreds of kids. Her sincerity impressed me,  So after 9 months again I wrote a letter appreciating her for letting me know the value of a child life. But I did not get any reply from her.

That was my release date, she surprised me by coming in the early morning with her betalain of social activists. They all took to me adults school and educated me spiritually, guided me towards the civilised society. She used to come daily to check my improvements, changing lifestyle. Her part is so crucial to inspire me and introduced a new version of  Sree Ram to this world. In her guidance I learned the meaning of love, the value of emotion, sensitivity law of equal pain, part of every creature in building a real civilised human society and so on.

Eventually, I fell off for her though I knew that was an unrealistic dream. She appreciates only great things for which I hate her. But that hatred also made me carrying big goals, then I became a topper in IAS examination. I wanted to convey the good news personally, I went to her home. As she was not available I turned back with an upset mind. Unfortunately that day her cuisine sister of 15 years old missed from their residence. We both searched her for days, also enquired in my previous circles as am the ex-leader of begging groups. But honestly they also helped me to find her but nobody has kidnapped as we expected. Her family lodged a complaint of missing.

As my selections date came over I was compelled to leave the city for one weak. I had cracked all the rounds successfully and they provided me with the joining order as well..Suddenly before a day to joining the day, the government has cancelled my appointment due to the complaint registered against me by Arnika’s relations. With that investigation,  my background verification was redone and my appointment was cancelled. The reason given by Arnika’s relations, to file a complaint against me was that  I was the ex-leader of the mafia and the girl  missed at the same time when I went to their home to share my good news. However, Arnika was kind enough to understand me,  fought against her relatives and with her own family.


Human life is like a mirror, one corner of the mirror slight crack can affect the entire mirror. Nobody trusted my changed character, due to my past and current circumstances, including the professors who gave me the coaching. People completely forgot about that cuisine sister of Arnika and targeted me to analyse my character. In order to guard me in those tough times,  she showed my letters which I wrote when i was in jail to her. However, they considered it as my cruel revenge on her as she was imprisoned me and her innocence to trust me. It became a mess. Her own family changed as her enemies and judged me by saying ‘ a criminal cannot become a civilised person’. Even then she continued to support me which led to distrust of her character as she is supporting an outsider.  However, she never gave up on me until her sister came back after 6 months with 3 months pregnancy with her 17 years boyfriend. Soon all of her relations and family realised and accpted them but asked them to wait till attaining the age of majority.

But I and Arnika lost our image and she left her family as they insulted her with disgrace, distrust. Although all of them spoiled my career, I had never bothered as the negative scenario pushed her towards me. I gained her trust, as my point of view a man needs trust from his lady more than her love which I had obtained already. Although am from criminal background she trusts me, but her people with high standards forgot the basic humanity levels and could not trust their own blood.  I took the same situation in a positive way but she went to peak levels of negativity in the same situation. Of course, all circumstances favouring me in either way am gaining something and she is losing her precious family and their affection, after all, she is a woman, ‘a woman never excuses anybody including own people, if it comes to character issues’,.

I have called her to stay with me but she rejected due to allegations upon us, so I have vacated ashrama and given the same room to her. I wanted to console her but she recovered in no time moreover she started a project of slums development. A few months later her family came back to her to while accepting her agony but stuboorned girl rejected them. I can not estimate her maturity levels as she is able to pour all of her love and kindness to slums and orphans then what is her problem with own family? I had asked her to clarify my doubt one evening on a coffe day she said “The problem of trust”.

I opted for a private job, and my past continued welcoming new insulting people where ever I went in all forms of society. In our surroundings whenever and where ever children are missing cops used to attack me as I became a soft person. Narrow looks of housewives and mothers pinched me through out my civilised life. In those times Arnika was my protector to fight with police and relive me from them and my depressed emotions.

As per her point of view, I was suffering from only short temper but she never learned the pshyo inside of me is struggling pathetically to get labelled as the civilised person. Whenever cops were interrogated me or children used to run away by watching me I used to cry loudly in the dark rooms and hurt myself physically for my orphan life and ruined past due to selfish people. Believe me, living as a civilised person in a crooked society is a great adventure rather killing someone or insulting someone.

Her parents used to abuse me in my absence as am an ex-criminal. Though she does not have any relation with me just to take revenge upon them she used my name. They got worried about our marriage. She was over talkative used to share with me openly without hiding anything about all those discussions. But she never recognised how much am getting insulted due to their hesitation to accept my new version, post changing myself a lot. As per her perception, they were simply objecting due to love marriage but it was my stinking past reason.

One pleasant evening I have asked seriously to marry me, she burst out of laugh and took it easy. Then she shared with me that she had an affair with software engineer due to few reasons they got separated but both of them remained unmarried. Also, they are not even trying to patch up due to the bitter experiences they faced together. However, they could not forget each other.

But I did not understand if it was pure love they need to get reasons to patch up again. Girls and boys are just for the fucking purpose. They love each other to satisfy their temporary desires. That is the reason why I am here today, a child of irresponsible parents is an extra baggage to earth. This lady always accompanies me, protects me. However, could not provide me with the respectable life by sharing her life as a wife, could be the same reason of previous life though she fights with every body.


Due to personalities differences, we used to fight often, but our social works were never interrupted.  That was a full rainy day, all roads were flooded with water. We both were walking on those roads with great hard efforts. All of a sudden she fell off in a manhole. My heart stopped for a while by thinking that she got died. Without a second thought, this ex-criminal had jumped into that, to save his talkative girl without any clue.


With one month hard efforts of doctors and my prayers, she got survived. But the drainage smell was stunk all over the room till 30 days.  I commanded her to leave all social activities, but she alluded that she wants to make so many Sree rams.

That trust nowhere I can acquire, even her parents enraged at me, they demanded me to leave away. However, if am from well-groomed family I could have done the same as Love is available everywhere for them, they can afford at cheap prices. But this ex-criminal cannot afford a loving girl again. I made up my mind to not to leave her. We planted trees, cleaned roads, collected donations for free supplies for old age homes. I never felt that we were separate as we are working together. But god wrote my destiny with a purpose of orphan.

Suddenly, one day the talkative girl called me to my workstation and pleaded to save her. My mind got blank there and then. I had traced her through GPS and ran over to an under construction building by terrified about her, where she welcomed me with flower bouquets to celebrate my fourth year anniversary of changed civilised person. I just slapped her by forgetting all my admiration due to a kind girl. As she never expected this from me, she lost her temper and named me a senseless creature with no humour.

She does not know my short temper levels, again I had slapped her as am not able to control myself.  She threw out the cake on the floor and shouted: ” Child kidnapper not yet died, why to celebrate?”. I got enraged, took a Rod and hit her 3 times on her head with the imbalnced tendency. She died on the spot.

She eradicated all my poverty, loneliness, provided me with all whatever I needed, but never realised my pschyo nature.  “I killed my talkative girl after protecting each other in many hardships” he concluded.

“Don’t you feel that you did a mistake?” Kavya questioned

“No, it was her mistake to trust me more than her family. A criminal cannot change, I have proved it.” he went inside with a same peaceful smile and welled-up eyes.

She surrendered a president’s letter of cancelling his death sentence to the Jailor and showed her sympathy to Arnika.



Yes, as soon as he hit her he ran away and surrendered himself in the police station, meanwhile she wrote a sentence of ” He is innocent” with her blood on the tiles which were kept aside.  Before the arrival of the cops to that third-floor, local people reached and got stunned, in that mess of disturbance, somebody pushed the tile plate unknowingly to the ground floor which was broken, flipped and was ignored. As he agreed his crime and due to his criminal background, suspicious life court penalised him with the death sentence.

‘Digging stories’ magazine always goes in depth of every case so it went to the death spot of Arnika, done with its private investigation, showed the prooves to fulfil her ambition by saving Sree Ram.


Kavya left the premises of jail in a dilemma of judging the character of Sree Ram though she helped him from hanging.










































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